My Social Media Anxiety: Why I Don't Comment Or Tweet You

I've never been the girl to go up to others and introduce myself. I've never been the first to strike up conversation, nor have I openly asked if someone wanted to hang out. So when I stumbled across the blogging community, it seemed like a fun idea. Interacting with people who are of a somewhat similar age group, who have the same interests, and being able to do it all through the safety of text - a shy persons dream. I started my blog after a trip to Germany to visit my online BFF (See blog posts Germany Part I and Part II for details), so I guess you could say that had given me the dutch (or German) courage to go for it. If I had to come to the decision alone, I would've likely talked myself out of it as I do when it comes to most things that involve putting myself out there. Yeah, as you may of guessed, I'm painfully shy. I nod more than talk in public places and mainly stick to people I know, never really able to push myself out far enough to break out of the "routine". I could go on to explain why I'm probably like this - homeschooling, being my mother's carer, BDD - but that isn't really the point.


Blogging seemed like an escape and almost a way of practising making friends, as sad as that may sound. But upon joining the likes of Twitter & Instagram and scrolling through the #bloggergals hashtag, I was overcome by crippling anxiety. I couldn't find the will to tweet people or leave comments on their perfect flatlays, why? I don't know. It suddenly felt like school all over again and I was the new girl having to introduce myself. I felt like a nuisance for the most mundane of things, like answering a question someone had openly asked. Or saying how cute I thought a bloggers cat was. It was idiotic and I knew it was so, but I couldn't control my mind with a push of the button - a flaw in making of human existence, if I do say so myself.

Once this shiny crystal vase had smashed for me, I realised just how quiet I was online. I hardly ever commented on Youtube videos, even when my favourite Tuber was asking for more comments, and once again that was because I didn't want to be a pest and embarrass myself. I rarely post on Facebook anyways, but I also don't comment on things even when I want to congratulate someone on something. Now that's a daft one and I know that as I type it out, but that doesn't stop it from being true. I don't know what my fear is exactly, or what I think is going to come from a mere "Congrats!" comment, but.. yeah.

As time has gone on, things haven't really gotten better. I still hold my breath when I send a tweet and anxiously reread it a dozen times before hitting send in case I've written something stupid or try hard. Then once it's out in the world, I reread it again for a further dozen times. I'll read back on old conversations just to find a flaw in something I've said, find it, and then fret over it for days. I'm the same way when it comes to public interactions, but for some reason I find my lack of virtual confidence more maddening. I shouldn't be this way and I know it. I ought to show appreciation of my favourite bloggers and comment on their hard work when a new post pops up in my email, but sometimes I just can't. It makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it. It can take me a few hours to reply to something as simple as "Great post! I love that concealer too." as I don't want to ruin their kindness with idiocy.

All of this could be down to Online Roleplay (Read Finding Myself With Online Roleplay to find out more) and that fact that I always had a character to hide behind, but I don't really know. That's the job of a future therapist. Not kidding, everybody needs therapy. Trust me. Been there, helped.

I don't know if there is an official point to this post or if it's just a mad woman's ramblings, but maybe someone out there feels the same..? And if it helps one person not feel the way I current do, even for a second, then it's worth embarrassing myself for. Social anxiety is written about so often online (as it should be) but I feel as though people hardly mention the other sides of it that don't really make sense.

My name is Anne and I mostly likely won't ever start the conversation with you, because I just can't. When I message or email you back, it's taken all my will and most probably a few hours worth of courage. Please don't judge me for it.