I'm going to be honest here, I said in my A Photo Per Day || October that the month of Halloween was crappy. Pfft. Do you ever want to go back in time and prepare yourself for the brutality that is about to come? Yeah, November has been hellish. One of the worst months I've had in a heck of a long time. But alas, this is not a Bath Musings and I can keep my inner meltdown for that (fun, I know). The name of this series is now a regret as I have failed massively the past two months at posting every day. I haven't really left the house and I most definitely haven't had much inspiration for photo taking days. A lot of these photos are throwbacks, but I guess that has the theme of my month. I've constantly been surrounding with the present but thinking of better times. It's unhealthy but, yeah. Alas, here is November and let's all hope for a merry December. (Both figuratively and literally.)
07/11/2017: "Do you remember what you said to me once? That you could help me only by loving me? Well-you did love me for a moment; and it helped me. It has always helped me." - Edith Wharton, The House of Mirth
10/11/2017: A longing for copper mugs filled with liquid that'll make your throat burn. Dulled senses, outgoing attitudes, and love.
11/11/2017: Yellow and green are oddly satisfying colours to see beside each other.
12/11/2017: Still head over heels this print that I recently saw in Scotland's National Museum of Scotland. Gorgeous. If only I could get it on a dress. It'd call it Louisa Clarke Horror Chic. Nailed it.
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12/11/2017: This going to sound stupid, I know it is. I'm not oblivious to the impressions that people who open up online leave. They seem too truthful and their willingness to share is off putting. But, that aside, I'm really lonely. These past few weeks have been a blur of silence and I don't know how to be okay with that. I have love in my life from a distance and a sick parent who can't really be there as I'm there for her - some things can't be a two way street. I ache for friendships and people who you can sit down and have a natter with over a glass of red, or someone to go Christmas shopping with. Someone who will listen because they want to, not because they're your fiancé or mother. Just people who will want to fill your silences. And I'm beginning to wonder whether I'm simply not worthy enough for that. I've never been good socially, but I didn't think it'd carry through to my adult life. I feel a little shattered and scared.
14/11/2017: I think my happy place is year round Christmas stores. They're just so jolly. It's like having a constant dose of happiness that we assume we're only allowed in December.
16/11/2017: "There's no way to know what makes one thing happen and not another. What leads to what. What destroys what. What causes what to flourish or die or take another course." I kinda want to reread Wild. Too soon?
17/11/2017: How does my cat always seem to pull the face my insides are making?
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19/11/2017: How lovely are these marble and gold coasters? I haven't seen anything that screams 'I'm a blogger' more. They are featured in my new post "What To Buy Bloggers This Christmas | A Gift Guide" This post is centred around @bloghaven and I couldn't be more happy about it. What do you hope to find under your tree?
20/11/2017: From day to night with #BourjoisKissmass. Trying a little something different with my holiday look as despite my desire to go all out every day and cover my eyes with glitter, the likelihood (heh. hood, eye, hooded eye. Happy accident) of that happening is slim. I'm too basic in my routine for fancy things. Nevertheless, when isn't there time for a red lip? Big thank you again to @Bourjois_UK and @InfluensterUK for sending me the products to create these not-at-all-awkward selfies.
21/11/2017: Note to self: learn how to do proper swatches. But really, how Christmassy are these colours? Big thank you to them again.
22/11/2017: WARNING! Cheese ahead: I'm pretty darn lucky to have @BilliamSWN in my life. Not only does he send you flowers from halfway across the world (okay, Llandudno. But he ordered them to me as a surprise from California. So it counts), but he has the kindest heart. He puts up with all my down days (whether due to depression or fibro) and still manages to put a smile on my face more times than I can count in 24 hours. I loathe distance, but he makes all the lonely nights worth it. I'm so thankful.
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25/11/2017: Kind of want to write a review for these products, but don't know if that's odd because they aren't really 'new' products and they were sent to me. The blogging community is conflicting to me when it comes to situations like these. If I love it and they were sent to me, does it seem as though I'm lying? And if I have some products that I don't 100% love, does it seem rude to the brand? 😩 I think I'm overthinking it. Honesty is all I can do, right?
26/11/2017: I've become obsessed with mini plant based tattoos lately. They're so beautiful. So many ideas. So little body areas. To be entirely honest, I'm thinking that they may give me confidence on the body parts of myself that I dislike. Silly? Disclaimer: photos not mine.
28/11/2017: I recently read #Wonder by R.J. Palacio and I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would. Going in, I expected a somewhat cliché (but honest) telling of bulling. I've read so many books covering such topics, so I guess you could say that I dismissed it. Silly me. Instead this is a beautiful story of how friendship and family can outweigh any negativity. That sometimes it only takes one voice to speak for the many. My favourite part was how you got to read POV's from the "side characters", and view August through their eyes. Which I think is important in books like these as it can be difficult to get a clear vision when you're reading everything from a child's mind. It's an overall beautiful book. Have you read it? What did you think?
29/11/2017: Despite what I'm saying to family, I don't feel the least bit Christmassy. Everything feels too doomy to be exciting. It's had to find the cheer when you don't feel particularly happy. Sigh. Someone throw tinsel at me.
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Not the most Christmassy of endings, huh? I apologise, that wasn't intentional. Anyhoo, next month will bring joy to all. And Baileys. Wishing you a lovely festive season and be sure to check back here as I have tons of content planned for the next 31 days.
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